I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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