Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
