She said her name was "party"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
