Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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