I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
