i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
