watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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