Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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