My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is Oprah even human
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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