She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
