he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
