Will you blow on my dice?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
