I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
