I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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