textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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