Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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