Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
