please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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