so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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