My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
