at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
