and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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