she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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