So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
