I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
