took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
