dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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