toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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