At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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