That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
