u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
