how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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