I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
