I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You ate ashes out of my bong
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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