just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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