I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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