dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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