ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
