You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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