im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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