why do cheetos always look like penises
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
