Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
