Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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