Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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