It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
