Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
