Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
