Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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