Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
