You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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