im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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