I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
