he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
