Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
