Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
