o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize