I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
