omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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