My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
