As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
