she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
