The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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