You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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