I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
