Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Blood and glitter go together right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
