dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
