We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
