Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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