I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
