no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
