the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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