I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
