I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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