My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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