That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
