Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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