Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
