You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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