DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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