allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need a beard to bite.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
