The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
