So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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