You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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