i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
